Seifer's Kitten
by Vick330
Summary: Selphie asks Fujin to care for her kitten while on vacation, will Seifer survive the ordeal? - Rated PG for a LOT of swearing (Seifer's) ^_^


Seifer's Kitten 

**Seifer's Kitten **

A FF8 fan fiction by Vic330 the MadScientist

*** Disclaimer ***

Don't own Final Fantasy VIII, never had, never will... *cries*

But I do own a little orphan cat, she lost her mommy when she was a month old, and I named her **_'Selphie'_**, because she is VERY energetic. Or rather, the kitten owns me, for I'm always catering to her needs, it's a matter of point of view.

And the following is inspired by my experience with my little, cutie, yummy, lovable, adorable, cuddly, and heart melting kitten, **_Selphie_**.

Special thanks to my good friend, and talented songfic writer, **_Cathy the Boff_** for her encouragement, and for sharing with me the antics of her cat, **_Cindy_**.

********** ********** ***********

After a long day at work, killing T-Rextaurs, bringing unruly SeeD cadets on their field exam, and then training another batch of cadets, what pleasure it is to head back home.

Ah, the peace and quiet of a man's castle, his refuge from the woes of the outside world. It was this that our tall, blond friend was thinking, and about the awaiting, loving arms of his beloved wife, his very own Queen, his fair, sweet Fujin. 

As he came in sight of his humble (well, not THAT humble, they made a good living) abode, Seifer sighed with gratefulness, walked to the door, opened it, passed his house's threshold, and announced, "Honey, I'm ho..."

"MEROOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWW!"

"What the?" Exclaimed the blond guy (he had almost stepped on something).

A small, black and white kitten looked at him with infinite hatred, "PFFFFT!" It spat at him, not happy at having had the tip of her tail nearly trampled (no damage done, don't worry).

"Fujin! There's a cat in the house!" He said, unsheathing his gunblade.

Fujin entered the room, and her good eye widened, "NO! SEIFER!"

"All right, so you get rid of it."

The young woman protectively took the small animal in her arms, covering it with kisses, and reassuring it, "There, there, he didn't mean to scare you, right Seifer?"

"Oh, I meant a LOT more than scaring that flea-bag."

"Seifeeer..." Said Fujin menacingly.

"And what is that thing doing here, anyway?" Inquired the man.

"Selphie asked me to care for it, while she is on vacation. The poor little kitty lost her mommy two weeks ago, and she is only seven weeks old." - It was obvious that all of Fujin's maternal instincts had awoken. - "Isn't it the most precious *kiss* adorable *kiss* cuddly *kiss* lovable *kiss* little thing you've ever seen?" *More kisses*

The little cat seemed pleased with the kisses, and the attention, but Seifer rolled his eyes, regretting the time when Fujin only talked loudly, and never more than three words at a time, but she had blossomed since marrying him, and only reverted to her old speech pattern on rare occasions.

"Well, it can't stay!" Affirmed the blond man firmly.

"But look, she loves you. Her name is Aki." Fujin lifted the diminutive animal to Seifer's face, and the kitten licked his face affectionately.

The tall guy had the bad idea of blowing on the tiny cat's face, which bit his nose in retaliation.

"OW! SON OF A &%#@$! You're dead meat!" He yelled in frustration.

Aki meowed in alarm, and hid in Fujin's arms, who warned, "STAY AWAY!"

"But, Fuji-Wuji..."

"SHE STAYS!" Said the fair woman "BE NICE!"

Seifer was not pleased with the turn of events, "No! That thing is a disaster waiting to happen! I am king of my home, and what I say around here goes! She can NOT stay, so find someone else to mind her! This house is not big enough for the both of us! I have spoken, and that is FINAL! End of the discussion!"

And thus it was that Aki entered our friend's life...

********** ********** **********

That very same evening, after dinner, Seifer was working on his computer. He was writing a sequel to his novel, about the whole _Ultimecia affair_, from his point of view (the first book had been a huge success). He stretched, and went to get a Shiva-Lager (cold beer for cool people).

Aki decided to explore the room, after the tall guy had left, and was irresistibly attracted to the computer's keyboard. It was great fun stepping on it, for, to add to the excitement, all sort of interesting things kept popping up on the big shiny thing in front of her. When she tired of it, she noticed the mouse, and sent it rolling about, clicking several times on the buttons.

Seifer came back, saw what the kitten had done, and...

"YOU ARE DOG CHOW! YOU @#$%!" He yelled.

The tiny animal didn't understand the words, but it certainly caught on the tone of voice, and quickly took evasive action. Seifer ran after it, but was faced by Fujin.

"WHAT WRONG?" She inquired, a hard look on her features, and the cat hiding between her legs.

"I'll tell you what's wrong! That little demon from Hell just destroyed a month's worth of work!" Explained Seifer.

"JUST A KITTEN" Reasoned Fujin.

"But..."

"LEAVE AKI ALONE"

"But..."

"I SAID..."

"All right, all right!" Said Seifer, then, mumbling under his breath, "F*cking little @#$% from f*ck*ng Hell son of a cat b*tch made a big sh*t on my m*th*rf*ck*ng computer and I get all the cr*p this s*cks big time I'm gonna &%$/# roast its %$#@& little @$$..."

"WHAT?" Inquired Fujin.

The blond guy decided to let it go, answered "Nothing, Baby." And went back to his computer, to try to repair the damage. Once there, a couple of other shocks awaited him.

Aki had managed to purge part of the hard drive (always protect your computer access, folks), opened several e-mails, contaminating the whole contraption with some weird virus in the process, subscribed to a dozen magazines ranging from _'Bacteria Weekly_' to _'Gravedigger Magazine_', and changed the screen wallpaper to one showing a, scantly dressed, lady in a most improper position.

Of course, Fujin decided to check on the damage done by Aki too, and was really, really shocked. "WHAT IS THAT?" She inquired.

"Er...The cat did this Fuji...I don't know how, but I swear..." Babbled Seifer.

Predictably, she didn't believe him, "FIND HER ATTRACTIVE?" she asked, with obvious loathing.

"No, of course not! I'm telling you, it's the cat!" He defended himself.

"PERVERT!" She exploded, and left with Aki.

"@#$%!" Said Seifer.

"AND POTTY MOUTH!" Added the young woman.

********** ********** **********

The next morning, while Fujin was showering, Seifer went to prepare coffee, and heard a loud banging sound coming from the living room. He went to investigate, and found the kitten staring at the result of her curiosity.

The diminutive feline had knocked over a potted plant, that was sitting on one of the stereo's speakers, there was dirt all over the place, and, to make matters worse, it was one of those pots with a water reservoir, that had been full at capacity.

** Now, I know that cats don't talk, but the following could very well have happened, if they did. **

Seifer: "What the..."

Aki: "Meow." - _translation "Wassup."_

Seifer: "What in the name of the &%$# happened here!"

Aki: "Purr." - _translation: "Dunno."_

Seifer: "What in the &%$# happened to the plant!"

Aki: "Mrrow." - _translation: "It jumped down, those things are so temperamental, yah know."_

Seifer: "YOU DID THIS! YOU LITTLE MONSTER!"

Aki: "Meow?" - _translation: "Moi?" - Translation from French: "Me?"_

Seifer: "Don't look all innocent! You know it's you!!!"

Aki: "Mrroww." - _translation: "I'll speak only in presence of my attorney._"

Seifer: "I'M GONNA %@#*&/$ YOU!"

Aki: "MEOW!" - _translation: "CHEESE IT!"_

Our little four-legged friend probably was part cheetah, for it took off at lightning speed. By the time Seifer caught up with her, she had found refuge in Fujin's arms.

Fujin: "WHAT GOING ON?"

Aki: "Purrr!" - _translation: "He's insane, protect me!"_

Seifer: "I'll tell you what's going on! That little demolition crew made a big mess in the living room!"

Fujin (kissing the cat): "Come on, Seify-poo, she's just *kiss* a baby *kiss* and she didn't do it *kiss* on purpose, didn't you, *kiss* you little, yummy *kiss*, cuddly *kiss* baby you..." *more kisses*

Aki: "Miou." - _translation: "You said it girl._"

Seifer: "But..."

Fujin: "Instead of scaring the poor little thing, make yourself useful, and go clean up the mess."

Seifer: "But..."

Fujin: "NOW!"

Aki: "Brr." - _translation: "You heard the lady."_

Seifer (mumbling under his breath): "$%#@ piece of cr*p, that little $%#@^& makes a f*ck*ng mess, and I'm the &*%$/#@ one that has to &*^%$# clean the sh*t up, @#$%^$#..."

Fujin: "WHAT?"

Seifer: "Nothing, I'm going now."

They both cleaned up the spill, under the interested supervision of Aki, and then it was time to go to work. Seifer left the house with obvious relief, and made a mental note to 'thank' Selphie in some appropriate manner.

********** ********** **********

Evening came, and, blissfully, Aki hadn't done any visible mischief during the day. She was delighted at seeing the two humans, and acted in a really affectionate, and endearing way.

Seifer even played with her, throwing a small ball at the kitten, in the hopes of luring her out of the house, so she would get lost. But our little furry friend wasn't stupid, or it simply liked the house way too much to go outside.

And so came bedtime...

Seifer slid under the covers, and his first thought was, _"Man, I never noticed that Fuji's legs were so hair..."_

He didn't finish his sentence, for something, with needle-like teeth, bit his toes, making him jump out of bed.

"OW! YOU'RE F*CK*NG DEAD YOU TOE EATING $#@%/&!!!"

"MEOW!" - _translation: "You started it!"_

Of course, the whole thing wakened Fujin, "WHAT HAPPENED?"

Seifer was holding Aki by the skin of her neck, and she didn't seem happy, not at all, "GROWL!" she complained.

The big guy was NOT happy either, not at all, "This little monster bit my toes! That's it! She's out of here! Tonight!"

The fair woman turned the light on, and saw Seifer holding Aki in a most ungentle manner, "RELEASE HER!"

"But, Fuji..."

"I SAID..."

"But..."

"NOW!"

"All right! All right!" He replied, and let Aki fall in the bed.

The kitten was quite unruffled, about the incident, and she cuddled against Fujin.

Seifer had quite enough of the diminutive animal's antics, "That's enough Fuji! I warned you that it would spell trouble keeping that cat here!"

"I PROMISED SELPHIE" Stated the woman.

Seifer, realizing that the argument was clearly lost, decided to keep quiet about it, for the moment anyway, and really come up with a good way to show his appreciation to a very short, very spirited brunette he happened to know.

Aki spent the rest of the night, rolled in a ball, warming herself on Fujin. Since his toes were left alone, the blond guy was able to sleep soundly. When morning came, he found the tiny feline contentedly sleeping on his chest.

"You really don't get it, don't you?" He whispered, as not to wake his wife.

"Meow." Replied Aki, looking up.

"I don't like you, cat, never had, never will, understood?"

The kitten started purring, and licked the man's face. Seifer petted her, and said, "Yeah, you're a master at being cute, but I'm on to you."

Aki just made herself comfortable, and fell asleep again. For some reason he couldn't fathom, the blue-eyed guy just let her stay there. When Fujin saw them like that, the scene was so endearing, that she decided to be really nice to her man that morning.

So actually, Seifer had something to be grateful to Aki for.

********** ********** **********

Keeping to his usual routine, Seifer shaved, showered, put toothpaste on his toothbrush [where else?], and went to have breakfast.

Aki managed to jump on the toilet bowl's cover, and from there reached the counter. She saw the toothpaste, and her feline's mind figured that, since the big short-tempered male and the nice female put the stuff in their mouths twice a day, it must be really yummy.

When the blond guy came back, to brush his teeth, he noticed the kitten besides the sink, and his missing toothpaste.

Aki: *Ack*

Seifer: "I don't believe this!"

Aki: *Ack*

Seifer: "You little %$#@&! This is personal stuff! Got it?"

Aki: *Ack*

Fujin (stepping into the bathroom): "WHAT'S WRONG?"

Aki: *Ack*

Seifer: "That walking germ factory put its dirty little mouth on my toothbrush!"

Aki: *Ack*

Fujin (picking Aki up): *laugher* "You poor little thing, here, I'll give you some water."

Aki: *Ack*

Seifer: "What about me?"

Aki: *Ack*

Fujin (grinning amusedly): "She wants to share with you, isn't that precious?" *laugher*

Aki: *Ack*

Seifer (mumbling): "%$#@&! It'll probably give me a $%#@& disease or something! Damned little pest! She's f*ck*ng dog chow!"

After giving water and something to eat to Aki, our friends went to work, and the day passed quite fast. At lunch, Fujin was surprised that her man hadn't joined her, and seeing Zell she inquired about Seifer.

Fujin: "Zell, have you seen Seifer?"

Zell: "Yeah, he took off early today, and told me something about getting rid of a 'pain in the neck'."

Fujin: "AKI!!!"O_#[# is the eye patch]

"Who?" said Zell, but the silver-haired woman had taken off at surprising speed, and was running towards her house, intent on saving her small four-legged friend from her husband's wrath.

She reached her home completely out of breath, but went from room to room, looking for the tiny animal. At that moment, Seifer walked in.

Seifer: "Fuji? You're home early."

Fujin: "WHAT DID YOU DO TO AKI?"

Seifer: "What do you mean? I haven't touched the flea-bag."

Fujin: "WHERE IS SHE?"

Seifer: "How should I know! Maybe she went back to Hell, where she belongs!"

Fujin (crying): "Aki...";_#

Aki (crawling from under the sofa where she'd been napping): "Meow?"

Fujin: "AKI!"

The young woman picked the kitten, and apologized to her man, "I'm sorry, I thought that you were going to do something awful to her."

"Nah!" Replied Seifer, taking Aki from his wife's arms, "I'm getting used at having her around."

The small feline started purring loudly, and the tall guy gave it a couple of kisses, "This doesn't mean that I love this little troublemaker or anything, got that?"

"What about the pain in the neck?" Asked Fujin, looking with fondness at the gentle way Seifer was holding Aki.

"Oh, that." Answered the blond man, "I hurt my neck during practice today, and went to the chiropractor in Balamb. I told Zell to tell you about it."

"Oh!" Was Fujin's reaction.

And so, many days passed, and Selphie Tilmitt came back from vacation. Aki felt that Seifer and Fujin were sad, and remained quiet for once. As expected, there was a knock at our friend's door.

"Hiya! I had a BOOYAKA vacation! How did it go with Aki?" Said Selphie.

"Good." Replied Fujin.

"Just great." Agreed Seifer.

Selphie looked a little embarrassed, as she continued, "Listen guys, I wasn't planning on this, but a baby Moomba followed me home, and I was wondering if..."

Seifer & Fujin: "Yes! We'll keep Aki!"

Selphie: "Huh? Well, great! You guys are the best!"

The spirited brunette left, and a few hours later, the albino woman was wondering why things were so quiet around the house, but suddenly a big crash was heard.

Seifer: "YOU SPAWN FROM HELL! I'M GONNA &%$#@ YOU!"

Aki (running for her life): "MEOW!"

Fujin smiled widely, for things were back to normal, and she knew that, deep inside, her husband was a loving and caring man.

She also knew that someday, Aki would have the company of another little one, of the human species this time. But that is another story, for another time ;)

********** THE END **********

AN: I know, it was a sappy ending. I hope that you liked it anyway ^_~


End file.
